Some collage

I am turning black. Fade to black is what they would say.
Is there something similar to nothingness?! An absolute void of thought. Is there such a place?! Can I visit there someday ?! Or would I be forever lost in this beautiful chaos? I believe that is the true key. To see order in chaos, mesmerizing in horrific, beautiful in plain ugly and light in deep darkness.
All I see is "a room within a room" a thought within a thought, a dream so deep and seamlessly looped. "A painter in my mind" splashing all the colors at once. I need something more... tell me something more.. tell me how you feel!
I fell like "I`m sitting all at once and its too much. my heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst and then it flows thru me like rain and I can`t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life." I am a tourist in my dream.